A depressed person has committed suicide. He is no more now. There have been many ups and downs in his life. I will show you how he reached the dead end of his life. Take a peek out his personal diary which he used to write secretly and used to hide it at a secret place in his room which was not known to anybody in his house.
1 Jan 2015
I want to die right now. No matter what the family or relatives thinks about me, but i want to die now. I feel miserable, helpless and lonely.
You very well know that I am unemployed since last 3-4 months and I need to take money from Swati whenever needed, but you don’t understand how it feels, it is so reproachful and shameful for anybody to beg in front of wife.
It hurts a lot to me more as my own parents doesn’t trust me anymore. My bank balance is nearing zero. Every time before I withdraw the money, I need to take permission of Swati. Dad has poor confidence in me and transferred some amount to Swati’s account for our living but not in my account. See? How can a father behave like this to his kid?
Swati is the only friend I have, but with dad’s restriction, she has started asking me accounts of all expenses. Disputes between us are on the rise. I am totally frustrated now, thatI have got one life and am not allowed to rule it. Why ?
Regular fights with Swati is making my life worse than ever. She also feels that I am an educated beggar now, she keeps on telling me to get out of the house and search for a job instead of sleeping everyday, it irritates. I feel that she also have lost confidence in me.
Can you tell me how to come out of this situation?
I guess, you are helpless at my situation, right? you will not be able to give any solution on this.
So let me tell you, very soon our frequent meetings at night would be stopped forever.
15 Jan 2015
Dear diary, Surprised? Yes I am alive .
Oh!… we are meeting after almost 2 weeks right? I have so many things to share with you. First of all, I want to tell you that I will never ever think about suicide. And it’s a promise. And my life is totally changed now. I am finally employed. Yes ! That’s a great thing happened to me ever after that suicidal attempt.
Though it’s a small company and is offering almost half of the salary than what I was earning before; but it’s better than sitting at home idle and listening to wife’s taunts. Right? And the work environment at the new office changed me. I have got a great work to do here and I really feel that I have something in me which is amazing. I am flying in the sky because am feeling special about myself now. Oh !! how can i express it to you?.
Okay… let’s come to the point.
Today, I want to share a biggest secret with you. The change in me is not because of the work I am doing here but…. It’s something different. Now i have to tell you everything true because I want to be honest with myself.
Knowingly or unknowingly I have lied to a girl in my new office that I am unmarried. I don’t know why, but that’s true. She is a seductive lady with short hairs, fair skin, toned body and…I tell you she’s so attractive and gorgeous that I could not control myself from hiding my identity.
It started off as something simple. I met her last week unexpectedly in my department on my first day on the job, and suddenly those sparks flew in my mind, my stomach started fluttering. The feeling of meeting her made me happy — it is new, exciting, and scary all at once.
The first day we just got to know each other, then in office and even after that we started texting each other with normal good morning or good night messages. And all of a sudden, I have started thinking about her, making up excuses for why I am heading out or late from work.
Swati is completely unaware about this, and loving me blindly. I have a feeling that whatever I am doing is wrong. After all, I am married for life, right?
That’s it for now. Feeling sleepy. But I promise you that I will keep myself away from her, and your next page will be only about Swati, my love. Good night.
By the way, her name is Saba.
20 Jan 2015
Oh !! It was a hectic day today. I was busy the whole day in my work. As I decided and promised, I tried my level best to avoid her, but my fate made us together. We are part of the same project since today. Seriously ! Just can’t help.
I am so sorry, I could not keep my promise, Saba is so beautiful that you cannot keep eyes off her. Sometimes I can’t even concentrate on my work.
Today, even we went further. What happened is, I returned from office, Swati was waiting for me. We were about to start our dinner and Saba called me for dinner outside. I really could not resist her and lie to Swati that I had an urgent workload at office.
I am lying to both of them, I really don’t understand what type of phase is this.
But don’t worry I am not seriously involved in her; we only had dinner together and nothing else. I am just giving company to a beautiful girl. That’s it.
You trust me, right?
1 Feb 2015
I know you will laugh at me, that I am not sticking to my own words, but my brain and heart are in fighting mode nowadays.
My brain says, you have to be honest with Swati, and leave Saba, and you know that the brain is correct. Of course, I mean brain is always correct but on the other side my heart is ever so persuasive… and wants me to stay, and is undeniably getting me more and more closer to Saba.
I don’t know , why am I trying to impress a girl even after having a gorgeous wife. Why am I feeling jealous when she is talking to any other man , such feeling hasn’t come in my mind since long for Swati.
I remember the dinner with Saba, the romantic ambience, that soft music, those candles on the table, the slight touch of her fingers, and I fantasize about sleeping with her for the hundredth time. Then I think about Swati, and I feel guilty.
What is happening to me? It’s not at all ethical, but I am in love all over again. Sorry, but the heart wins.
I have some plans in my mind for this Valentine’s day, but the thing is that I am out of money.
14 Feb 2015
This Valentine’s Day, was a special day for me… this year brings all the thrill in my life after many years. I feel like a free bird.
I took her to a five star restaurant for lunch, (almost used all my salary and whatever i had in my account ) in one time though, she was overwhelmed with joy with this giant treat. She was wearing a beautiful dress and after lunch I reserved one of the room in the same hotel.
Initially she hesitated, but on my insist she was ready to offer everything to me.
When we entered the room, I couldn’t control myself and hugged her tightly as if she is only mine. I forgot about Swati when Saba also held me in her arms tightly. Both of us were unaware of what we were doing that very moment.
And yes ! Finally we crossed the limits. I tell you she is damn best in bed…..far better than Swati. Sorry, but it was the world’s best pleasure for me after many years even since I got married to swati.
Besides that she is so understanding and now that she is physically involved I am ready to make her as happy as possible. She loves me tons. I think now it’s the time to tell her the truth. Maybe in a day or two, I will confess her everything about my marriage. Let’s see how she react, then we will decide what to do further. Till then I will not discuss our relationship to Swati.
Good night !
Today was a stressful day, seriously, I mean it was a huge mental stress for me today. I asked Saba to meet me after office in a cafe. I confessed that I am married to Swati since last 2 years. She was so shocked to hear that. I convinced her about the failure of our marriage and after my many efforts she finally convinced; I promised her that I would divorce Swati. Both of us are ready to get married soon, but I want relief from Swati as soon as possible.
I have to talk to Swati. Very soon.
25 Feb 2015
What the hell is happening in my life ha ? Today I came to know that Swati is pregnant ?? It actually made me sad. I am surprised to know that how a normal intercourse between a husband and wife can turn into the worst truth of life. Shit !! This is making me crazy. I am getting more and more worried and frustrated for my escape. Instead of a happy dinner, we had a fight between us today. At the end, Swati was blaming me, she called me reckless, prodigal and what not.
I haven’t told anything about her pregnancy to Saba. She is continuously forcing me to start the process of divorce as soon as possible, but at the same time both of us want money, currently all the bank accounts are handled by Swati. I am directionless right now.
It’s not that I only want Saba, but I need money too. I need to show patience at this stage.
I will update you soon with my next step. Till then, good night.
1 Mar 2015
Life is so unpredictable ! for so long, my mind was burdened with guilt, as I am unfaithful to Swati. But it will be not hereafter. What I saw today was beyond my imagination or expectation.
I had reserved a table for me and Saba in a restaurant. Saba reached earlier than me. There was a couple sitting in the cafe when I walked in. As the light was low, I didn’t know who they were until the woman turned around, and I saw, it was my wife. Can you imagine, she was Swati. She didn’t recognize me as the light was dim.
I reached at my table and discussed this to Saba. Saba was watching her as per my direction and also we collected some photos of Swati; Saba was quite happy as this incidence would play a strong evidence against her which in turn will make the divorce procedure easy.
But more than shocked ,I am very angry to watch Swati with another man, and felt bad that she was enjoying with him. Ever since we got married, she has spoiled my image in front of my father, by showing herself as an honest and best daughter. I wanted to call upon my dad to show him his ideal daughter-in-law. So far I have suffered a lot of humiliation by my father and wife.
Now my plan is changed, I am going to separate from her not by divorce.
But by murder.
You read that correct.
You will be shifted to more safer place now. Good night.!
10 Mar 2015
I have the master plan ready. I have my friend Yogesh from Pharmacy background who owns a chemical lab. They have their research and development department for various medicines. I am going to use his lab for manipulating ingredients of Swati’s capsules which she’s taking nowadays.
Every Friday, she has an appointment at her gynacologist for regular checkups. When she will leave, I will change her original capsules with the others which consists poison. I will try to make it so strong that in a pill, she will be in heaven. I am so desperate to see this, as I have been humiliated , and hurt so many times by her. Next page will be the last page where one of the members of my family will be no more, forever.
Exciting…. Isn’t it ?
15 Mar 2015
I am an unforgivable criminal. What a wrong decision I made. How can a person be so despicable? How evil I thought ! and how I made such a worst decision to kill my innocent wife?
Even after having a beautiful and understanding wife, I had an affair with another woman. How can I doubt on my sinless wife when I saw her in a restaurant with another guy ? He was just a friend of hers, I got to know this when I asked her about the stranger. I hurt her a lot by doubting on her modesty.
I’m a really a very bitter person. I’m ashamed of myself. I am again reached back to that day in my life. Suicidal thoughts are coming to my mind. And now I am not going to stop it for anybody. I think, I should use the same pill to kill myself which I prepared for my wife. I can’t live with what I did to my wife.
In these moments, before my departure, I feel more clarity than I have ever felt in my dull life. In one minute, I will be free from the voices, from the pain, and before that I want to clean up the mess in my life which is all created by me itself.
If anybody gets this note, please tell my wife to forgive me, she will learn to live without me just the way I would have to live without her.
She is innocent.
Good bye forever.
— xx —
This was the end of his diary.
If you have gone through all the pages of the diary of this husband, you must be knowing that how his life is screwed and came to an end.
The only thing, you are unaware of the fact that, just like you and me, his wife used to read his diary regularly in his absence, she already knew the place of his diary and all his secrets. And the most interesting thing is that the last page of the diary is written by him forcefully when his wife was standing behind him, with revenge in eyes, that poisonous pill in one hand and the other hand was holding a gun.
Dear readers, now what has left in our hands except a heartfelt condolence message to the wife ? Nothing.
So let’s pray, May his eternal soul rest in peace.